I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I didn't notice because vodka
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
