i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
soo... how was my night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
