Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
