I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
