How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
