I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
