there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
