Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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