I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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