I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize