dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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