I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
