THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
