I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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