I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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