I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
