I cockslap morals
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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