why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
