THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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