I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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