The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There r osticjed everywhere
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
