Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
