you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
