I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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