It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
