After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
