I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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