I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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