you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bring me that man meat
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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