yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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