I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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