I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
