I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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