you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
