well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
