i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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