cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
