Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
