apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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