so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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