Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
