WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
