don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
