you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
