Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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