I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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