I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
