i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
