Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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