I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
