Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
...so i touched it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
