I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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