Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
