Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
