Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
