is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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