i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
