So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
