she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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