is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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