Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
