He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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