Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
