wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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