oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
