bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
