I just made out with a guy for $7.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
