dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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