So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
