My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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