She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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