This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
