It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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